A Curious Tale Of The Bi-Curious Gay

This is going to be an extremely personal blog. There is just no way around it. Feel free to close out of this post if my sexuality makes you uncomfortable.

I am writing this blog to share a deep and personal side of me. I was initially embarrassed and nervous to do so, then I realized I don’t really care at all.

I am a 30 year old gay man. I have been gay for as long as I can remember. It’s just something that has always been. I didn’t know what it was called though until second grade. I am sexually attracted to men. I have dated men, hooked up with men, and a combination of the both. I have never been with a woman, except for a few make out sessions.

I want to go on record and say that I have always supported all kinds of consenual relationships between adults. I believe sexuality is fluid and we should never trap ourselves under any label. I think as adults we should be able to freely have sex with anyone who want (who is a consenting adult). Gay, straight, bi, onesomes, twosomes, threesomes, orgies, S&M, are all beautiful to me. With that being said..

About a year ago something strange started happening to me. I began experiencing new changes as I mature into a man in his 30s. It is a new kind of puberty if you will. I was finding myself becoming sexually aroused at the idea of having sex with a woman. First it was just this underlying “ha-ha” joke to myself, but then it began to manifest itself into my dreams. I had a very erotic dream that ended with a woman performing oral sex on me. I woke up all kinds of turned on! It was so bizarre to me! I actually loved it. You could tell I loved it when I woke up lol.

Since then, it has been something growing inside of me. I find myself wanting to make out with women. Or instead of fantasizing about having sex with a man, I sometimes think about a woman instead. Just recently, my female neighbor came over to borrow my wine key and in my head I caught myself thinking “I wonder if she would suck my cock?” That is just one example. I have had many.

I am a man. And like any other man, I watch porn. Porn is awesome and healthy. People who judge porn are uptight and tied down by too many stigmas. It is a great release and use of the imagination. I don’t just watch gay porn though. I also watch porn involving women. I love watching a woman go down on a guy because I pretend I am that guy. I like watching a guy fuck a woman because I pretend that it is me. Honestly, I really want to know what it is like to “stick it in.”

Does that mean that I check out women’s breasts or asses and think how bad I want that. Not really. Do I have romantic feelings for a woman? No. But like everything else, things are subject to change. I think I am more stimulated by the idea of being the only cock in the bed though. There is something very sensual and stimulating about a male/female sexual dynamic. I think the idea of a new type of sex and sexuality is the core of my newfound bicurious nature.

As I stated earlier, I am all for sexuality. It is natural and beautiful. Now I have to learn to apply that same liberal attitude to myself. I only wish that women were as casual about sex as men were. It would make this much easier to explore.

This doesn’t change how I currently see myself. I don’t want people reading this and saying shit like “Welcome back to our team.” I am who I am. I am a 30 year old man who has no shame in exploring his maturing sexuality.

Anyone else want to share?

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