This is going to be an extremely personal blog. There is just no way around it. Feel free to close out of this post if my sexuality makes you uncomfortable.
I am writing this blog to share a deep and personal side of me. I was initially embarrassed and nervous to do so, then I realized I don’t really care at all.
I am a 30 year old gay man. I have been gay for as long as I can remember. It’s just something that has always been. I didn’t know what it was called though until second grade. I am sexually attracted to men. I have dated men, hooked up with men, and a combination of the both. I have never been with a woman, except for a few make out sessions.
I want to go on record and say that I have always supported all kinds of consenual relationships between adults. I believe sexuality is fluid and we should never trap ourselves under any label. I think as adults we should be able to freely have sex with anyone who want (who is a consenting adult). Gay, straight, bi, onesomes, twosomes, threesomes, orgies, S&M, are all beautiful to me. With that being said..
About a year ago something strange started happening to me. I began experiencing new changes as I mature into a man in his 30s. It is a new kind of puberty if you will. I was finding myself becoming sexually aroused at the idea of having sex with a woman. First it was just this underlying “ha-ha” joke to myself, but then it began to manifest itself into my dreams. I had a very erotic dream that ended with a woman performing oral sex on me. I woke up all kinds of turned on! It was so bizarre to me! I actually loved it. You could tell I loved it when I woke up lol.
Since then, it has been something growing inside of me. I find myself wanting to make out with women. Or instead of fantasizing about having sex with a man, I sometimes think about a woman instead. Just recently, my female neighbor came over to borrow my wine key and in my head I caught myself thinking “I wonder if she would suck my cock?” That is just one example. I have had many.
I am a man. And like any other man, I watch porn. Porn is awesome and healthy. People who judge porn are uptight and tied down by too many stigmas. It is a great release and use of the imagination. I don’t just watch gay porn though. I also watch porn involving women. I love watching a woman go down on a guy because I pretend I am that guy. I like watching a guy fuck a woman because I pretend that it is me. Honestly, I really want to know what it is like to “stick it in.”
Does that mean that I check out women’s breasts or asses and think how bad I want that. Not really. Do I have romantic feelings for a woman? No. But like everything else, things are subject to change. I think I am more stimulated by the idea of being the only cock in the bed though. There is something very sensual and stimulating about a male/female sexual dynamic. I think the idea of a new type of sex and sexuality is the core of my newfound bicurious nature.
As I stated earlier, I am all for sexuality. It is natural and beautiful. Now I have to learn to apply that same liberal attitude to myself. I only wish that women were as casual about sex as men were. It would make this much easier to explore.
This doesn’t change how I currently see myself. I don’t want people reading this and saying shit like “Welcome back to our team.” I am who I am. I am a 30 year old man who has no shame in exploring his maturing sexuality.
Anyone else want to share?