2017: Getting Shit Done

If you look back through some of my posts from the last year, you would think I was the most miserable son of bitch on the face of the Earth.

Honestly, I felt like it. I felt like the world had kicked me down to the ground and kept stomping the fuck out of me. The past two years were an emotional shit show for me. So many things happened, and at the same time, that I was drowning. Only a few close people know about them. My social media presence remained upbeat because I didn’t want anyone asking questions or knowing.

I am sure if you are reading this that you are probably wondering what happened. For several reasons, I cannot go into them in such a public forum (although some of my previous posts allude to parts of it).

To be quite honest, I don’t want to focus on that nightmare anyway. I want to focus on 2017, the year that I am getting shit done for myself and moving past the vaguely mentioned experiences.

Near the end of 2016, those several shitty experiences all came to an end and set the stage for 2017. The things that were seriously plaguing me were finally over. It was like the winds blowing my sails into the Bermuda Triangle decided to just change direction and take my tiny boat to happier days.

And happier days it has been! I got a fresh start and was able to start over. It was at this point that I started to feel that 2017 was going to be great. I was going to make it awesome!

I changed jobs at work in December 2016 and transitioned into a role, that I absolutely love, as a leadership trainer. I loved training Servicing and also training other trainers in the art of training. But there is just something about training leaders.

Jumping into this new role in 2017 pushed me outside of my comfort zone and made me very vulnerable, but I am experiencing so much growth of my own skills because of it. It feels amazing being able to make an impact on leaders, which will in turn trickle down to their team members (the only time trickle down economics actually works). I am part of a newer team and doing what I can to help build us up. I am so happy right now!

Personally, my mind has let out this loud sigh of relief. The past two years pushed me over the edge and I fell into a pit of mental health issues. I was seriously balls deep in Depression and Anxiety. My ADHD was out in full swing. I had to start seeing a therapist and was prescribed something for the ADHD to get myself together. So many nights were spent on being victim to racing thoughts, fear, sadness, and fear and not on sleep. I became so fixated on the negativity because I couldn’t see any light. Not even a damn glimmer of it. Life has an intense way of reminding us that nothing lasts forever though.

Many of the things I was experiencing have started to dissipate. I forced myself to start focusing on the good things, and if I didn’t feel like there were good things happening, I fucking made them happen. I was going to get shit done this year. The shit that I wanted, and needed, to do for myself. No more reasons or putting myself in situations where I can’t do shit for myself.

Shit to do #1: Traveling

One thing I decided was that I needed to travel. My soul is the traveling type and staying stationary has negative effects on me.

So I went back to New York and visited family. I went there first because it was where I was from and the first time I was able to travel anywhere for quite some time. I love to explore and it really did me good to get out and check out new places and hang out with one of my amazing cousins. I even went to the hospital I was born in to take pictures!

This is me in Central Park:

I also took myself out every single night I was in NYC. I either went alone or I met up with another cousin. I went out, had drinks, and socialized. Words cannot express how doing that made me feel. I could almost hear the sound of the top popping off and all my mental BS exploding out of me.

While I was in New York, my sister (who really loves to travel) talked to my mom and booked us three tickets to Mexico.

New York was amazing…but fuck..going to Mexico from Christmas to New Year’s Eve was FUCKING SUPERB!! We stayed in Playa Del Carmen. We were there for 9 days and we rocked out that trip! It was gorgeous every single day! Even when it rained, it only rained for 20 minutes and then the sun came back out.

While in Mexico, we hit up several (it’s impossible to do all of them) bars/restaurants on the main strip in Playa Del Carmen. We also went to Tulum where we did sightseeing of ancient ruins. We also went to Chichen Itza where we saw the amazing ancient ruins there as well as went snorkeling! I mentally needed these adventures!

This is me sightseeing:

If you are ever in an emotional rut, I HIGHLY recommend traveling to a place like Mexico. The country is gorgeous (from the tourist side of it), the people are so friendly and genuine, and the scenery is a feast for the eyes! It’s that tropical vacation you long for, but also super affordable! I promise, if you are really going through something, do this for yourself.

I have also booked a trip to Denver for April! So I am moving and experiencing life! I cannot wait to get into the mountains and just be outside in a new place!

Shit to do #2: Personal Goals 

When Old Deller, my laptop, died several months ago, I never got around to getting a new computer. No wait..not that I didn’t get around to it..I just wanted a Mac and those are WAY more expensive than a PC.

Not having a computer probably wouldn’t be such a huge deal for some people. However, I like to write these ramblings of a mad man and share them on my blog. If I wanted to continue writing and building myself as a writer/blogger, then I needed to have adequate resources, like a computer. I don’t like to use my work computer for personal business. So I actually splurged on a Mac computer today! This thing is fucking magical!

I’ve always loved writing and I think (know) being lost in so much negativity was taking that away from me. In other words, I was fucking myself because I was letting my dreams just waste away. I just laid there and let everything run me over. I am also tired of starting something and not seeing it through because of shit excuses.

I also want to get into the beard oil business. This year I registered my blog as an online store and even got an Employee Identification Number (EIN)! Awesome! I have some other stuff around that to figure out, but I have it on my Shit I Need to Do Right Now list.

Lastly, I grew up speaking Albanian, but since I never really used it where I grew up, I don’t speak it like I used to. I am working on relearning and practicing it some more.

Shit to do #3: Personal Upgrades

I first got glasses when I was in second grade. I have always worn glasses, until I became a teenager. Then I transitioned to contact lenses. After that, I went back and forth between contacts and glasses. I have always had corrective lenses in my life.

The past few years though, I found myself thinking about LASIK and eventually making it a goal. Well I can say that as of March 2017, that is one goal I turned into reality. I got LASIK! I feel like I accomplished a bucket list item, and it feels amazing! I can see great, and as my eyes heal my vision keeps getting better. I tested at 20/20, possibly 20/15.

Earlier this year I also signed up for Warrior Dash with my friends from work. I have always wanted to do a physical challenge like that. I have been working out a lot and put on some intense weight.

Last week I signed up for a 6 week workout program with a place called Michigan Kettlebells. It’s going to be intense, but so worth it. It will help me cut down some of this fat I gained and tone up my gained muscle. It will also get me ready for Warrior Dash! I also want to play rugby so this will help me with the training and conditioning of my body!

My goal is to look like this guy (or a watered down version) at Warrior Dash! I even paid for the kilt so I can really experience the event:

I am so ready to continue smashing through my goals! So fucking ready! It is really easy to lay down and die when life hands you a large glass of “Fuck you.” I am guilty of that more than I care to admit. Especially when the shit gets piled on! However, like I said earlier..the negative shit is gone! That means I only have positive things to focus on!

Seriously, if I find something negative to focus on at this point, I brought it on myself and I am a fucking lunatic!

 

I am excited to share this because I have seriously never felt happier. So many great things happening that I just need to let the sun shine on my face!

 

Feelings and Emotions

For some reason, when someone opens up to us about a problem or a situation, the first thing we do is try to make that person feel better. We will say things like “It’ll get better!” or “It could always be worse.”

The truth is, that does not always help everyone. Anytime someone is going through any kind of situation, there are usually real feelings involved. Someone could be scared, anxious, upset, etc.

Here is something to keep in mind: The situation will probably get better (or worse), but regardless, the feelings are still VERY real at that time! When we try to make people feel better, saying statements like mentioned above actually ends up discounting or disregarding their feelings.

When someone decides to open up to you, first, take that as a huge compliment they trust you that much. Second, focus on the feelings. For example, if someone is scared because of something that is happening to them, let them talk about being scared. Instead of saying “Oh don’t be scared, it’ll be fine!” ask question like “Why does this have you scared? What can I do to help you with being scared?” That’s what they really want to talk about. It’s the acknowledgment of the emotions that helps people struggling with something start to move on.

If people do not feel comfortable opening up about their feelings because they are tired of those fluffer comments, they will keep it all inside. They will isolate themselves from you and everyone else. That is a torturous and painful way to live, just stewing in your own feelings and emotions. This can cause our friends and family going through something like this to take drastic actions to escape the pain and now loneliness.

I hope this post finds you well and that you are able to see the world through empathetic eyes and ears.

My Experience At McDonald’s

I could post about how livid I am that my car went to shit and how I had to get a tow truck to get my car home. But instead, I am going to tell you about something extraordinary that happened during my car situation.

Since my car stopped working while I was driving it, I pulled over to McDonald’s to call AAA and get a tow truck. I had some time to kill and feelings to stuff, so I went into McDonald’s and got some food. I sat inside to eat it so I could keep an eye out for my tow truck.

While I was sitting there seething over the situation, this young black man, probably still in high school, came over and asked if he could sit with me. While still annoyed and apprehensive (it’s hard to trust people when your identity was just stolen), I said sure. He asked me what I did for a living. I told him I was a trainer. He then asked me what I trained, so I told him in a very gump way what I train. He asked me if I like it, and I told him I love it.

He then asked me if I went to school for that. I said no. For me, I learned through experience. He then asked me for advice on getting a job without any experience. I immediately went into trainer/leader mode. I told him how I started working in Servicing 7 years ago in an entry level position where I didn’t know anything. I told him find those type of positions in something he is interested in. From there he can grow and gain experience. My tow truck then showed up so I went outside to get that situated.

While outside, I couldn’t help but think of how awesome that young man was. Then I thought of some more advice to give him so I went back inside to talk to him. I told him in anything that he does, ask questions. Learn. Seek new knowledge. Make yourself the obvious choice. Leaders look for the team members who ask questions and are growing. That is what will lead him to success. He was so excited and couldn’t stop thanking me.

The media does a shitty job of representing our black brothers and sisters, so I wanted to share this great story with everyone. He really touched me and he was the one looking for knowledge.

My Life (as it is)

As much as I like to post about politics or (anti) religion, this blog post is solely about me and my life. I suppose this could really be a post for my journal rather than my blog. Maybe I just need to share with others this time instead of keeping it to myself. Who knows? Here I go!

Like most Americans who do have a job, I am stuck in a shitty job working for “the man.” When I first started working at the bank, I was making some good money and could easily live off of that and pay my way through school at the same time. Then my department restructured and I lost a third (1/3 for you math heads) of my monthly pay. That was a really hard pillow to swallow and I am still upset over that. Luckily I kept my prior full time job at Applebee’s as part time so I started working every weekend instead of once a month or so. At least I was able to make up for the income lost from the bank. After that and for a long time I just worked two jobs to make ends meet and didn’t ask any questions.

I ended up leaving Applebee’s, then went back to Express for a holiday season (I worked there before Applebee’s), and ended up at Granite City. All the while still working at the bank. At the bank, after my incentive was taken away from me, I moved to a new area. I got a small raise. I continued to tackly double duty at both jobs and just went on with life. When I first started my group there were several of us and we had a variety of loan administration responsibilities. After several months our responsibilities had changed a little more. Nothing that warranted a pay change though. It was when I was chosen to be a Business Analyst that something struck me as odd. I was never once spoken to about a pay increase for that position. A BA definitely makes more money than someone just pulling documents for audits. After a month or so and two projects later, I decided that A) I did not like that position and B) I wasn’t going to do that job for my menial pay I was currently at.

After a talk with my new boss I went back to my old team. I was back to pulling audit documents. Shortly after that, everyone in my team went to different areas and left me alone. I had to do everything. I had to pull everything for every audit by myself. That was not fun! At that time I was working two jobs so I just accepted things as they were. The bank didn’t pay me enough but it was steady and my tip money was a nice bonus.

Several months (in September 2012) after that change my mother, sister, and myself all went to Europe for two weeks. Before I left, I was asked to fill out a job analysis form describing my responsibilities. HR was starting a new initiative regarding our pay rates. Upon return from my trip, I was made aware of the details of the HR initiative. I was also made aware of my position change again. Rather than manually pull documents for audits, my area shifted to what my supervisor does. I became an audit coordinator/process manager. The responsibilities of that position were a lot more than before.

With new players in the mortgage business in Detroit on the rise (Quicken Loans and Shore Mortgage), many employees of my bank were leaving because of the much higher pay. The bank told us that they were going to evaluate everyone’s position to really narrow down our job titles, responsibilities, and raise our pay to the industry standards of that position. We were told that in the first quarter of 2013 we would have those raises.

Friends of mine were quitting the bank we work for and I learned how much the competition was paying. I also started researching what my new position would pay, and it was an extraordinary amount compared to my current wage.

But it wasn’t until my supervisor hired the new members of my team that I finally opened my eyes to how abused I am here. I have been with this company for 4 years and 8 months and I make a certain amount. I discovered later that the new people came in making $2.00 more an hour than me. They were hired into the new job role wage where I was still stuck at the old wage. I was the one that trained this new staff who had no mortgage experience whatsoever. How do you think it made me feel knowing that these people were all making more money than me and I am the one who is training them on everything. Don’t get me wrong, I love my new team. They are awesome people and cool friends to have. None of this is their fault. It is the bank’s fault for allowing me to just work at this lowly wage.

At that time, I was still waiting tables. I had grown to really hate it and dreaded working every shift. With my tax return coming, and promise of a raise, I decided that I put in my two week notice at Granite City. My last shift was Super Bowl Sunday.

My tax return had come in, so I figured that I could easily live off of that and my pay checks. I also researched the average pay for process managers/audit coordinators in the area I work in. You can imagine my surprise when I saw that I was making half of what I am supposed to be. Half. 50%. That is disgusting! I was excited that, in theory, I would get such a huge pay raise.

I did see a merit pay raise from last year which was .95 more an hour. They acted like they were doing me a favor.

This is where it all goes downhill. The first quarter of 2013 came, and it went. We never heard a word from HR regarding anything. They just left us in the dark. We noticed that no one received any raises. It was later discovered that some areas like Originations did get the pay level raise. Someone in my area spoke to HR about this and the HR rep actually admitted that they over promised on the raises. On top of that, my boss doesn’t think we should be getting paid more for what we do.

This is where life really gets hard. I went through my tax return. Now I only have my pay checks. Those are a joke. Financially, my life is a complete joke. I can’t afford anything outside of basic living. I can’t even afford school anymore.

I have sent out my resume everywhere, and I did have an interview at one place but I lost out to someone’s friend.

Needless to say I am beyond stressed out. I am so tired of living like this. I try to not stress out but it is so hard when it’s in my face every day. Stress has a really strange effect of me. When I am stressed not only does my skin break out, but I completely stop doing anything. My apartment becomes a complete mess because I don’t have it in me to pick up after myself. I stopped educating myself in music. I really love music and it is always on my mind, but when I am feeling run down by life I guess I just like lying there. It’s easier than trying to find the energy to get up and do something. Fortunately, I do still consistently go to the gym. Those workouts are a huge help. I’d probably be in a deep stage of depression without it and that is why I am keep that consistent.

I am really trying to fix this entire situation. If this means that I have to go back to working two jobs I will. I also pulled out my music stuff last night and am going to begin working on that again. I also got my writing pad and pen so that I can continue writing which is something I have always loved. I am doing what I can to seek new employment too. If that doesn’t work, I am also meeting with HR to discuss my shitty pay. Stressed or not, I can’t just stop living. I have to find an avenue to release all this inside me. I have to continuously move forward. I will propel myself forward. I have come to learn that any challenge is just that, a challenge. Something that needs to be overcame through hard work and never giving up. I will have the life that I want for myself. Nothing is going to stop me. Especially this forsaken company I am cuffed to by golden handcuffs.

No one is going to get the last damn word on me. I am going to walk away from all of these trials as a warrior.

Please know that I understand that there are so many people in the world who have much, much worse happening to them. I am aware of that and acknowledge that. But this is still what I am experiencing.

Thanks for listening!

“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”

Stereotypes and Stupid Questions (Gay Men)

Ok, to get straight to the point, this shit drives me bonkers.

As much I can’t stand intolerant assholes who look at me as some biblical monster or as a person that is not equal to them, sometimes people who just love the gays or are uniformed drive me more crazy!

There are a couple of questions/statements that I notice people (especially women) immediately ask upon discovering that I am gay.

Question #1: Do you have a boyriend? Seriously? That is the first place your brain goes? I didn’t ask you if you had a boyfriend. We just met. I get that it is fascinating that you met a man who dates other men, and the idea of him having a boyfriend/partner just makes me you sploosh your panties. But it is no different then you dating your man! This question always annoys me. I know that no harm is meant by it. It is still annoying. I’m not a pony show to entertain or amuse you. I actually just IMed a coworker and asked her a question about who files what claims in that area. She told me. Then she asked me if I had found a boyfriend yet. WTF? I’m sure that has nothing to do with claims.

Statement #1: You’re gay? We have to go shopping together sometime! Um what? I just met you. Why the fuck would I go shopping with you? I’m pretty sure I already don’t like you so why would I torture myself by hanging out with you? I’m gay, not a sadist. I actually hate shopping. I am one of those quick in and out shoppers. The ONLY time I used my shopping abilities is for my mother, brother, sisters, and some cousins. That’s it. Not for stupid fools who slap me in the face with a stereotype.

One of my biggest pet peeves: Fag Hags and Fag Stags. This topic really makes my blood boil. These girls are heterosexual world road kill who are kicked over into the gay world. To me, loving someone just because they are gay is the same thing as hating someone because they are gay. I hate when I go to the bar and I see these obnoxious, over protective, bigger girls crowding the place because they want to be with “their gays.” We are no one’s gay. There are a couple of straight men who have all gay friends because they just love the attention we idiotically give. I always have an appreciation for those people who have friends that happen to be gay, not friends because they are gay.

My all time biggest pet peeve: Gay men are not women!! We are not “one of the girls!” We are men. We have male genitals. Being gay is not the same thing as being a woman. Being gay means I am a man who likes men. Do not invite me to your baby showers, wedding showers, or girl’s night out. Fuck you.

To everyone hetero: Gay people are real people. We are not Showtime entertainment. We have every day lives with every day problems. We have the same blood types that you do. We smile when we are happy, we cry when we are sad. We have hobbies and talents like you do. We face the world alone or with a partner like you do. We struggle to pay bills during hard times like you do. There are many varieties of gay men (and lesbians) as their are straight men (and women). Some are feminine and some are masculine. Some love make up and others love video games. We are all different. Try to get to know the person who you are meeting and not the stereotype you want him to be.

The only difference between us is people don’t judge you because of you who fall in love with or want to marry (unless you were black before the 1960’s).

Mommy Dearest

One of the most important people in my life is my mother. I love her to no end and think the world of her. I think she is a strong woman who did a lot for us kids when our father passed away. She was a single mother of 4 teenagers. We were not an easy group of teens, but she survived us and we her.

During those teenage years is when I came out (well, I was forced out) of the closet to my mother that I am gay. As a Catholic Albanian woman, that was not easy to hear for her. She was very angry with me, and that first year of being out she didn’t want me anywhere near her family. Although, my cousins already knew I was gay long before I came out. They didn’t really care since it wasn’t news to them. My mom’s brothers however, not as cool about it at first. To be totally honest though, they have never really mattered to me, so their opinions of me matter even less. They seem to be much cooler about it now. Either way, I couldn’t care less.

What I do care about is my mother and what she thinks. Regardless of how tough I am and don’t care what anyone thinks about me,  as a son I still seek the approval of my mother. On some level we are all guilty of that. It’s part of the parent/child relationship. I think that sometimes parents forget what it was like to be someone’s child and how deep a mother can cut you.

For a few years my relationship with mother was tumultuous to say the least. It wasn’t until I got older that we started to have a strong relationship. The only problem with that is I think it may have been established on a false foundation. We do not talk about me being gay. Occasionally she will say to me to marry a nice woman. But that’s really it. However, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t bring it up to my other siblings. She once told me sister that she didn’t know what she did in her life to have a gay son. That was such a heartbreaking thing to hear. I didn’t want to fight her so I just sucked it up and quietly forgave her for it. She was raised a certain way and is not one for change.

My mother was born in Kline, Kosovo and grew up in Belgrade, Serbia (former Yugoslavia). She comes from a Catholic background as well. Both do not agree with homosexuality at all. So that way of thinking is all she knew and it’s become her way of thinking.

My mother’s sister also has a gay son. She is much more accepting of homosexuality though. My aunt even attended my cousin’s wedding to his husband. My mother has openly voiced her disgust at my aunt’s support of my cousin being gay. She also told me to wait until she dies if I am going to marry a man. When my mother goes off about my cousin, I feel like she is really projecting her anger at me being gay to him since he is not her son.

When I hear her say the things that she does, it really upsets me. I try to not let it get to me because I know she is who she is. I will never be able to change her. I just have to accept her for who she is. I don’t like dancing around the issue with her, but it’s just not something we will ever be able to sit down and discuss.

I believe that years of just trying to disregard her beliefs has finally surfaced. I was at her house last week and she flipped out about my hair. It wasn’t that she just doesn’t like it, but she went on a tangent. I know that I am a reactive person too. I get it from her. But she went so over the top with it that I just grabbed my keys and left. I haven’t spoken to her since. At first, I was just upset because she had to be so judgmental over my hair. That anger opened up the can of worms to everything else that has upset me with her.

I think that I am a great kid for a parent to have. I am 30 years old. I live on my own, work two jobs, put myself through college, visit as often as I can, take my mom shopping or just hang out with her. I don’t do drugs, I rarely go out or drink. I also face the same life challenges as everyone else.  So I happen to be sexually attracted to men. Does that really negate everything else about me?

That doesn’t mean I view myself in a different way. I love the person that I am. I think I am kind, funny, a great friend, and a positive person. I am out and proud to be gay. I have become the person that I was meant to be.

I do not believe that my mother loves me any less. That is not even an issue. I know how much she loves me. I just wish that she could accept me for the person I was born to be. In a world where I don’t care about anyone else’s opinion, my mom is still my mommy and her opinion does count.

It is an aspect of my life that I unfortunately will have to deal with. Maybe one day she will change her mind.

What is your story? Anything you want to share? Any advice?

The Walls of My Lunacy

My life is like a bowl of Alpha-Bits cereal. All kinds of fun letters just mixed around and starting my day off. Most importantly are O.C.D, and possibly the new letters of A.D.H.D.

That is certainly a lot to choke on huh? My doctor told me a year or so ago that I have O.C.D and wanted me to talk to a therapist and getting on medication for it. I know that I probably should, but I don’t want to.  Sometimes O.C.D works out in my favor and I am afraid to lose out on it’s benefits. I have really good grades at school because I can’t not have good grade. However, it really does cause me more problems than solutions. So in an attempt to do something about it, I have really self reflected to see what the cause of my O.C.D is. There is always an underlying issue with this disorder. For me I realized, it is the irrational fear that if I break pattern in things that I am doing, something terrible will happen to my mother, brother or sisters. There have been times were I have been forced out of my patterns, and I stop and wait for the devastating phone call.

Another issue that I struggle with is my inability to throw things away. It is an emotional challenge for me to throw thing of importance out. I kept an entertainment system and 32 inch TV for years because my mom bought it (14 years ago). I didn’t even need it, not did I have space for it in my apartment. Those are just two of the many examples I have. I have cluttered my home on numerous occasional because of this disorder.

A great tool to help with this is my illogical impulsive behavior. As if the O.C.D was not enough, I have recently learned that I could possibly have A.D.H.D (which I am not self diagnosing, I plan on seeing someone for that). The symptoms certainly explained a lot of why I am the way I am. Either way, I have a huge impulse control problem. More times than not I end up just shooting myself in the foot. I go on this “binges” or “episodes” were I just can’t control myself and do things like spend money on things I shouldn’t or do things I shouldn’t. This impulse control also causes my dislike of a clutter (contradictory right? Welcome to my life) and causes me to go on weekend long sprees of cleaning, smashing, breaking, and ripping things apart in my apartment. Just two nights ago, I ripped apart the entertainment system I was talking about. A few months before that I had the same episodes where I ripped a sofa and love seat to pieces. I had a vision and nothing was going to stop me.

I recently came to realize that my cluttered/hoarding home is also my barrier from me and the outside world. My mess, my garbage, it’s all a subconscious way of keeping out people from my life. I never have people over. Ever. I honestly believe that this is what prevents me from getting into the dating world. Or rather, I prevent myself. Fortunately, once you admit your problem, you can begin healing and rebuilding.

Not that I have any dating prospects beating down on my door, but I think I am scared or nervous to start something new with someone. I was did that once and it fell apartment. I have long moved past that, but it is in the past, so it is easier to move on from what has already happened. The future is a little more open and I am not sure what the universe holds for me. I think as a precaution I have this messy home as my back up and bomb shelter. I can hide here and no one can get to me.

Luckily, I think I took steps in the right direction by completing cleaning and revamping my apartment. Now I am comfortable with perhaps letting someone in. Now maybe I won’t be stuck in this same place. I feel like a rock sometimes. I am not even living. I just exist. I exist in my madness. Well I can no longer live like that. I’ve started the journey, that’s really the hardest part.

Anyone else have O.C.D or A.D.H.D? How do you deal? Any stories you would like to share?