I am experiencing what can only be described as a personal revelation. Something inside me is changing..growing. I feel like the cocoon that I have been encased in is finally breaking away.
My confidence in myself has shifted. It’s like a butterfly spreading its wings for the first time. I would say that I’ve been a person of average confidence. I didn’t hate or love myself more or less than the average person. I have what I consider my weaknesses as well as my strengths.
I am spirited, animated, opinionated and challenging. I love the creative side of everything. I don’t care for the organizational side of the world too much. I am a free spirit. I fly by the seat of my pants and live in the moment. I am loud and swear a lot.
Recently, I have been made to feel that some of those personality traits and who I am have some opportunity for growth. I was really starting to believe that. I felt like I was just doing everything wrong. Just a short while ago I was passed for a promotion that I thought I would for sure get some day. I was pretty disappointed in that whole situation, but I was most disappointed in me. I began to pick through all of things that are wrong with me and why I wasn’t chosen or even considered. I was pretty upset with myself for a short while. But once that passed, I felt a shift in thought. The whole paradigm of who I am started falling into place.
It then struck me…there is nothing wrong with me. The person that I am has plenty of strengths. Even what I considered “weaknesses” are actually strengths. How so you ask? One word: Perspective. The realization that just because someone else does not see the strengths in my personality does not mean they are weaknesses. They are just strengths that are not being utilized by the right people at the right time. I need to stop trying to jam who I am into someone else’s box or idea of how I “should” be.
Watching this new show on Netflix called Sense8 has helped solidify where I am right now. Sense8 is a dense, character driven tale about connection, spirituality, love, sense-of-self and a host of other dynamics.The show is about 8 people who are telepathically connected and have to rely on each other’s strengths to survive. I am so obsessed with this and I think it is partly because it helped me realize that what I have to offer may not currently be needed, but it will be one day. Maybe a stranger on the street will need my “just do it” personality to save them from a situation, or another opportunity at work will come my way that suits who I am?
There is something liberating about this feeling! My confidence in myself is steadily rising. I had heard that at some point in your life, this confidence comes. You stop giving a shit about what anyone thinks and you stop trying to fit yourself into someone else’s mold. I think that I am having that moment at 33. I am now grateful that the situation that caused all this growth happened.
There is always room for growth and bettering yourself, yes. I agree with that 100%. But growing yourself and changing who you are are two different things. You grow yourself because you want to. You change yourself because someone else wants you to. Focus on you, and be the you that you were meant to be.