My Life (as it is)

As much as I like to post about politics or (anti) religion, this blog post is solely about me and my life. I suppose this could really be a post for my journal rather than my blog. Maybe I just need to share with others this time instead of keeping it to myself. Who knows? Here I go!

Like most Americans who do have a job, I am stuck in a shitty job working for “the man.” When I first started working at the bank, I was making some good money and could easily live off of that and pay my way through school at the same time. Then my department restructured and I lost a third (1/3 for you math heads) of my monthly pay. That was a really hard pillow to swallow and I am still upset over that. Luckily I kept my prior full time job at Applebee’s as part time so I started working every weekend instead of once a month or so. At least I was able to make up for the income lost from the bank. After that and for a long time I just worked two jobs to make ends meet and didn’t ask any questions.

I ended up leaving Applebee’s, then went back to Express for a holiday season (I worked there before Applebee’s), and ended up at Granite City. All the while still working at the bank. At the bank, after my incentive was taken away from me, I moved to a new area. I got a small raise. I continued to tackly double duty at both jobs and just went on with life. When I first started my group there were several of us and we had a variety of loan administration responsibilities. After several months our responsibilities had changed a little more. Nothing that warranted a pay change though. It was when I was chosen to be a Business Analyst that something struck me as odd. I was never once spoken to about a pay increase for that position. A BA definitely makes more money than someone just pulling documents for audits. After a month or so and two projects later, I decided that A) I did not like that position and B) I wasn’t going to do that job for my menial pay I was currently at.

After a talk with my new boss I went back to my old team. I was back to pulling audit documents. Shortly after that, everyone in my team went to different areas and left me alone. I had to do everything. I had to pull everything for every audit by myself. That was not fun! At that time I was working two jobs so I just accepted things as they were. The bank didn’t pay me enough but it was steady and my tip money was a nice bonus.

Several months (in September 2012) after that change my mother, sister, and myself all went to Europe for two weeks. Before I left, I was asked to fill out a job analysis form describing my responsibilities. HR was starting a new initiative regarding our pay rates. Upon return from my trip, I was made aware of the details of the HR initiative. I was also made aware of my position change again. Rather than manually pull documents for audits, my area shifted to what my supervisor does. I became an audit coordinator/process manager. The responsibilities of that position were a lot more than before.

With new players in the mortgage business in Detroit on the rise (Quicken Loans and Shore Mortgage), many employees of my bank were leaving because of the much higher pay. The bank told us that they were going to evaluate everyone’s position to really narrow down our job titles, responsibilities, and raise our pay to the industry standards of that position. We were told that in the first quarter of 2013 we would have those raises.

Friends of mine were quitting the bank we work for and I learned how much the competition was paying. I also started researching what my new position would pay, and it was an extraordinary amount compared to my current wage.

But it wasn’t until my supervisor hired the new members of my team that I finally opened my eyes to how abused I am here. I have been with this company for 4 years and 8 months and I make a certain amount. I discovered later that the new people came in making $2.00 more an hour than me. They were hired into the new job role wage where I was still stuck at the old wage. I was the one that trained this new staff who had no mortgage experience whatsoever. How do you think it made me feel knowing that these people were all making more money than me and I am the one who is training them on everything. Don’t get me wrong, I love my new team. They are awesome people and cool friends to have. None of this is their fault. It is the bank’s fault for allowing me to just work at this lowly wage.

At that time, I was still waiting tables. I had grown to really hate it and dreaded working every shift. With my tax return coming, and promise of a raise, I decided that I put in my two week notice at Granite City. My last shift was Super Bowl Sunday.

My tax return had come in, so I figured that I could easily live off of that and my pay checks. I also researched the average pay for process managers/audit coordinators in the area I work in. You can imagine my surprise when I saw that I was making half of what I am supposed to be. Half. 50%. That is disgusting! I was excited that, in theory, I would get such a huge pay raise.

I did see a merit pay raise from last year which was .95 more an hour. They acted like they were doing me a favor.

This is where it all goes downhill. The first quarter of 2013 came, and it went. We never heard a word from HR regarding anything. They just left us in the dark. We noticed that no one received any raises. It was later discovered that some areas like Originations did get the pay level raise. Someone in my area spoke to HR about this and the HR rep actually admitted that they over promised on the raises. On top of that, my boss doesn’t think we should be getting paid more for what we do.

This is where life really gets hard. I went through my tax return. Now I only have my pay checks. Those are a joke. Financially, my life is a complete joke. I can’t afford anything outside of basic living. I can’t even afford school anymore.

I have sent out my resume everywhere, and I did have an interview at one place but I lost out to someone’s friend.

Needless to say I am beyond stressed out. I am so tired of living like this. I try to not stress out but it is so hard when it’s in my face every day. Stress has a really strange effect of me. When I am stressed not only does my skin break out, but I completely stop doing anything. My apartment becomes a complete mess because I don’t have it in me to pick up after myself. I stopped educating myself in music. I really love music and it is always on my mind, but when I am feeling run down by life I guess I just like lying there. It’s easier than trying to find the energy to get up and do something. Fortunately, I do still consistently go to the gym. Those workouts are a huge help. I’d probably be in a deep stage of depression without it and that is why I am keep that consistent.

I am really trying to fix this entire situation. If this means that I have to go back to working two jobs I will. I also pulled out my music stuff last night and am going to begin working on that again. I also got my writing pad and pen so that I can continue writing which is something I have always loved. I am doing what I can to seek new employment too. If that doesn’t work, I am also meeting with HR to discuss my shitty pay. Stressed or not, I can’t just stop living. I have to find an avenue to release all this inside me. I have to continuously move forward. I will propel myself forward. I have come to learn that any challenge is just that, a challenge. Something that needs to be overcame through hard work and never giving up. I will have the life that I want for myself. Nothing is going to stop me. Especially this forsaken company I am cuffed to by golden handcuffs.

No one is going to get the last damn word on me. I am going to walk away from all of these trials as a warrior.

Please know that I understand that there are so many people in the world who have much, much worse happening to them. I am aware of that and acknowledge that. But this is still what I am experiencing.

Thanks for listening!

“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”

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