One of the things I value most in the world is the human experience. Nothing is as profound as living and experiencing this marvelous world and the wonders in it.
The most extraordinary experience I’ve ever had, and still have, is the bond between my siblings and myself. My siblings and I are very close. I have a twin sister, younger sister, and younger brother. They are my everything. They are so much more than my best friends. They transcend “friendship.” A couple days ago they showed me the difference between sibling and friend.
I’ve been going through some personal stuff, that I don’t want to get into here, but it’s been tough. Life has thrown some negative things at me. After a while, hit after hit negative things start to take their toll. That’s where I have been for months. Just worn down. I’ve been living with depression and anxiety for quite some time. It’s been such a dark year. If it could go wrong, trust me, it did. The repercussions from this year will last for quite some time. The impact in my life has been life changing.
The past few weeks, I saw an incline in the depression and anxiety. I lost motivation to do anything positive. I let my house fall into a mess. I skipped days at the gym. When I did go to the gym, I think I just looked sad and checked out. I’ve been wallowing in the cesspool that is my life.
I not normally the type of person to really open up to others with what I have going on. Normally I work through the situation and I am good. I am the kind of guy that listens to other people’s issues. However, I know that it is not good to keep things inside, especially when life keeps beating you down. I do talk to my brother and sisters though. When you’ve known people your entire life and grew up in the same house, it’s easier.
Opening up to friends is not as easy. I learned that this year and it reminded me of who I can confide in and who I can’t. I’ve also learned that because I always listen to other people’s issues, that they get used to me as a sounding board/diary. Over the past few months, when I tried to talk some friends, they always turned it back around to them and basically disregarded what I had to say. It’s always about them. I even watched someone “listen” to me speak, pause to let me finish, then continue on about them self. For someone to wait for you to finish speaking so they can disregard your attempt to open up, that is disheartening. What a terrible feeling. I actually started to use the app Whisper to let out some stuff going on in my head. I felt this would keep me from being a burden to anyone.
I recently met up with my sisters for dinner at the mall. I had told my siblings that for winter hibernation, I was going to buy a PlayStation 4 with the Uncharted series.. I needed things to occupy my time and distract me. Then I got my doctor bill from an ultrasound sound I had on my testicles when I noticed an issue. It was a cancer scare. Luckily it wasn’t cancer. It was hydrocele. You can read about that here. The bill was $424. Just what I was going to use to buy my PS4. So there went that. I told my siblings my PS4 had to wait.
Then the most awesome thing happened. My siblings knew just how down I was feeling, so they surprised me with an early Christmas/birthday present and gave me a PlayStation 4 with the Uncharted: The Nathan Drake Collection that night.
No one, and I do mean no one, can know what that act of kindness did for me. When I got home with my PS4, I just stared at it. When I looked at the box, all I could think about was my siblings having the discussion to get me this gift because they knew it would lift my spirits. Since I’ve been an emotional train wreck lately anyway, I cried over it, but it was tears of joy. They knew exactly what I needed and when. I was a never burden to them.
The next day, something changed. I didn’t feel alone. The dark cloud that has been hovering over my head the past few months just vanished. Now, I feel like I used to. Strong, motivated, and tough. I know that shit is going to come my way, but I am ready to take it all on. I will not let anything take me down. With a support system like my siblings, there is no way I can’t. I am going to stay positive and motivated. I am going to pick up my life and move forward. We sometimes need the darkness to appreciate the light. Words cannot express just how much I appreciate the light in my life, my siblings (and our mother).
We all have those friends that get us, but siblings are different. They don’t just get you. They know you. They lift you up and lean on you. They are you. You are part of them and they are a part of you because you were born on the same wavelength. There is really nothing quite like it. #foreverfriends ❤️❤️❤️
I dedicate this song to my siblings and our mother, because quite frankly I just don’t what I would be without them.