Fueling New Goals With Dead Ones

Admitting that your goal is dead is pretty tough. Actually, it fucking sucks. I should know because I am experiencing this very situation as I type. For the past three years, I have only had one main goal in my mind. It is one goal that many of us have in our working lives. To advance ahead. To move into a leadership position.

I seriously worked my ass off to prove I could make an awesome leader. I was passionate and determined to meet that goal. I would look at myself in the mirror every day and tell myself that I would be a leader on my team. Despite my passion for what I do and my skill set, things just did not go according to plan.

Something has changed for me, though. The drive, the motivation, the hunger, that all left. Maybe I am tired fighting for scraps at the table? Maybe I am just emotionally drained? I can feel the goal that I had been so passionate about has expired. It’s time for me to throw out this expired goal so I don’t stink up the kitchen.

If you think that this blog post is negative, it’s not. In fact, so much positivity has been born from this goal failure! This entire situation has inspired me to re-think my passion and what I am doing with my life. At my core, I love to teach. I love to help someone change a behavior and give them a skill they were unable to do before. I also really love traveling and completely dislike corporate politics.

Several years ago, I had researched becoming certified as an ESL teacher and traveling abroad in Europe. I didn’t make much money at the time so I couldn’t afford the tuition or taking time off of work. I started looking into it again recently and found that not only could I afford it now, but it was all online so I could just get certified on my own time. So I signed up!

Once I registered for the course, I lit up with excitement and am still stoked! I begin my training on April 11! This feels right. This feels like the thing I am supposed to be doing. No one knows how happy I am at the prospect of living in Europe for who knows how long and teaching English! I want to go to Kosovo, Czech Republic, and Germany.

Don’t get me wrong, I am scared as fuck about this. I have my family, especially my mother, in the US. I also own a home and a car. I definitely have some logistics to figure out. Luckily I have a while before I do anything. My main focus is just getting certified and getting my teaching hours in right now.

I do not believe that things happen for a reason. I do believe, however, that we all have choices to make when we are faced with a situation. I think I found the positivity in this whole thing and may have just catapulted myself to a different type of success more suited to my personality.

Look for more blog posts about my experience getting TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certified and whatever future steps I take with that.

This song is getting me through this so I don’t lose my nerve:

My Long Road To Education

I have been working on my two year associates degree for about five years now. I have been so embarrassed to admit that to anyone. When people ask me when I will be done with school, I just laugh and say “Oh it’ll be a while.’ Technically I am not lying.

After several years of just f*cking around, I finally started going to college when I was 25. I had decided in my earlier 2os that I want to be a PR. I think I would be really great at it. I was really proud of myself because I finally grew up and made the decision to better myself with an education. I started off light and only took 2 or 3 classes (I don’t remember anymore). I had been out of the school swing for a while and need to get reacquainted with it all. At that time I was also working at Applebee’s full time. It was perfect. On my days off I would take all my classes, do my homework, and study. Then I would work over the weekend and make my rent money. I didn’t have anything else to pay for except my phone and portion of utilities at my old apartment.

Like all things in life, change was coming my way. I then began to work full time at Flagstar Bank Monday-Friday. I was also still working at Applebee’s on the weekends. All of the sudden my free time was gone. Then I had to work both my jobs, pay for my apartment on my own, car payment, insurance, and all that other fun stuff. I was no longer receiving financial aid because now it was deemed that I make too much money for aid. Too bad no one takes into consideration the costs of being an independent student. I also had lost a huge monthly bonus that I received. That is why I had to pick up my hours at Applebee’s.

I was still managing to take some night classes and paying for my classes out of pocket. I refuse to take out student loans because I want to walk away with a degree, not debt. Anyway, I was doing pretty good. I did hit a couple of speed bumps here and there. I ended up not going a semester here and a semester there. OK fine, it happens. What are you going to do?

A few months ago I started to dabble in music. You can read about that here. I fell in love with it. The more I fell in love with it, the more I realized that I hated working in an office. Even now, six months later, I still dislike it. It is so boring, I’m tired of office pettiness and cattiness. I just waste away my energy there. I knew that music and writing is what I wanted to do with my life. When I realized that, it felt right. So my next step was to speak to a counselor regarding the educational path I was on towards an ABA and how I wanted to get an associates in Liberal Arts.

Whatever I do end up doing, I still work full time at the bank and I work part time at Granite City. So I am still crunched for time and funds for school. So school is definitely going to “take me a while.” The difference now is, I don’t care anymore. I shouldn’t be embarrassed. I’ve paid my own way and have made it this far. I am an independent person who lives an independent life. But I do need to do something, quick.

I made an appointment with the counselor at my school. I met with her today 8/15/2012. I wanted to explain to her where I was coming from and what I wanted to do. She looked up what I needed and I discovered I only needed about two more classes. Also, I could actually get two Associate degrees! One in Business and the other in Liberal Arts. However, the Business Associates would require that I take Managerial Accounting. I dropped that class once. What a beast. I might just do both. But I know my heart is not in business. Maybe there is an opportunity in a different kind of business and I shouldn’t be basing my office experience to default mortgage banking. So that is why I am going to work on getting both Associate degrees. So I can have a plan B.

Even if I did find something different, nothing makes me feel better than writing something. I love words. I love expression. I love taking words and singing them (to the best of my ability). I want to make music and write pieces. It’s what excites me.

Writing especially has been a long time hobby of mine. But I was always afraid to try and turn a hobby into a job because then it wouldn’t be a hobby anymore. They do say “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

I don’t find that to be entirely true, but it is a great goal and I plan to never work a day in my life again!

What is your passion? Do you do it for a living? Why or why not?