Living Single In Gay Detroit

I will admit, at first I was hesitant to write this post. This is pretty personal. Then I though, why not? I am not the only single person out there. I am sure being single weighs on everyone’s mind. That was enough reason for me to go ahead and start writing this piece.

I am a 31 year old gay Albanian man living and working in Detroit. I have a great job, live on my own, and just loving life. I am very health oriented. I work out and eat healthy. I love to travel and want to do it more. I am working toward building a better life for myself and moving forward. I am making goals and reaching them. I come from a very rich and colorful culture which has shaped who I am today.

The only part that sucks is that I am single. Now when you read that, and if you are single as well, you are probably thinking “Yeah being single does suck.” Let me make sure everyone understands this from the beginning: I do not have a problem with being single. I do not need anyone to make me feel complete.

The issue that I do have is that there aren’t any prospects out there. Being gay in Detroit is like trying to do a backstroke in puddle. It is rather pointless. Meeting someone here is so hard. The gay community is very small here so everyone already knows everyone. New faces rarely show up. If they do, they are either “12” or come attached to a boyfriend. Detroit wasn’t always like this. The gay scene was booming and there were so many people in the community! But that was 10 years ago. It has dramatically decreased because everyone has moved away from Detroit to bigger cities.

Being almost 32, I am at that stage where I am a little concerned that I will end up alone, on Grindr, and trolling guys to come over for “$ome fun.” Life is just starting to feel a lot more real now. I would love to go out and meet new people and go on dates. I miss the butterfly in my feeling stomach when someone I like calls or touches me. I could touch myself all day, but I am so used to me that even I pretend to have a headache to get away from me. Ha! I was in love once. That was such an amazing feeling to experience. The last time I was in a relationship was when I was 23-26. I have not really dated anyone since then. I miss having someone to text/call for no reason except that we just wanted to hear from each other.

When I started working in downtown Detroit, I thought that would be a superb place to meet new people! I even downloaded Grindr when I first started to see who was around. I quickly learned that no one I was interested, or they lived on the Canada side, were on. So I deleted that. Going to the gay bars suck here. Even with that, sometimes I will go just on the off chance that I might actually meet someone. I even started working at the mall again partly so I could just meet new people and break out of my life of routine.

I even created an OKCupid account to see who is out there. It’s the same people of course. What are the chances a good looking guy in his early thirties looking for something serious is going to be on there? Not impossible, but not likely either.

Part of the problem is myself. I know that. When I meet people, I can immediately tell if they will fall into the friend zone, or something more. I have never dated friends. Once we become friends, it just will not go past that. I am not the type to develop feelings either. They are there or they aren’t.

Another problem is When I moved to MI, I always said that even though I live here, my soul mate is going to be back in NY. It’s just a feeling I’ve always had. That could be a huge part. Maybe my future husband is in NY? I am going to plan trips down to NY I think. If not for that, just to travel and see friends and family.

I think I am a good guy. My friends say I am a good catch. I’m not the perfect guy, but I think I could make someone really happy. I just feel like I am in the prime of my life and it is all going to waste.

Wish me luck. It’s all going to workout however it’s going to, so at least I know there will be a resolution to this.

Online Dating Works! If you aren’t gay that is..

I have never been one for online dating. I think there is no zest or appeal when it comes to chatting with someone online. Without personal interaction, there is just chemistry or interest. All you have to go on is a possibly outdated pic and profile. That is not a person. That is a profile. But with that being said, online dating is becoming an increasingly popular way for people to meet. I see the commercials all the time for eHarmony and Chemistry. I even saw that one of those dating sites (I think Match.com) has live parties or events where people can meet each other in person. I actually find that to be a brilliant move!

But, all of those mentioned earlier are for the heterosexual community. As for the gay community, we are severely limited. At least with heterosexual people, there are just so many of them. In the gay community, there not as many of us. We are such a small community that we know all know each other, or of each other. That makes dating nearly impossible. Unless of course, you fly them in from out of state or country lol.

If you do use dating sites, especially for smaller areas like Detroit, you really only need one profile or app. Grindr is really the best way to go it seems. For a while, at the advice of a friend who was annoyed I was perpetually single and not dating, I “put myself out there.” I went on OKcupid, PlentyOfFish, Chemistry.com etc. I quickly came to learn that it is all of the same people! Same for gay mobile apps like Grindr, Scruff, Jack’d, Maleforce, Growler, etc. It’s always the same people messaging you or viewing your profile.

So this is my question: If you already know everyone at the bar, and it is all the same people online, where does a guy go to meet someone?

I have a lot going on for me right now so I am definitely happy being the bachelor that I am. I am focusing on goals that will really propel my life forward. I have also never been the type of guy to ever “need” a boyfriend or someone in my life. I am a fully independent and self sustaining man. It doesn’t bother me that I am single at all.

The part that concerns me is that if I did want to start dating, that there is no one to date. There just is nothing out there. That is a dismal reality.

Being gay is hard enough. But being gay and finding someone, forget it!

I don’t know. I’m blabbing really. What do you do think?