Single On Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day. One of the most hated “Hallmark holidays” ever created. Say Valentine’s Day to a single person and you may get some hostility and bitterness. I know from experience that people in the food service industry also loathe it. Seriously, who the fuck goes out to eat on the busiest day of the year next to Mother’s Day? Just stay home and have sex.

Being single, especially on Valentine’s Day, is tough. A lot of us grow up expecting that we are supposed to find “the one,” settle down, and be happy before a certain age. That is the life plan for almost everyone. For those who haven’t found that, Valentine’s Day is a nice reminder of that failure. For some people, it’s some serious business that invokes all kinds of feelings from anger to loneliness.

How can you tell? Just go on social media on Valentine’s Day. Boy, talk about some pissed off people! My Facebook and Twitter feeds were filled with single people sharing their anger with today.

Speaking of being single…

Last night I went to see the movie “How To Be Single” with some friends. It was a really funny movie (Rebel Wilson is in it, hello!) with a powerful message disguised in there. I learned that we are all in relationships from this movie. We are in relationships with our parents, siblings, friends, pets, co-workers, etc. Some of us found their romantic relationship, and some of us are still looking.

I believe the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. Yes, you have to love yourself and be happy with the person you are before you can even begin to make someone else happy! You have to be truly happy with yourself first.

How can you do that? The first thing is to get away from everyone. Take small trips by yourself. Go on vacations. Take a break from all of the relationships you currently have and just enjoy your own self. Oftentimes, we have to play a part or put on a different face for the people in our lives. Find out what your face looks like when it’s just you.

If you feel lonely when you are by yourself, then you may not be in good company. That is where you need to start.

Ask yourself: “Who the fuck am I?” You have to say it just like that. Dig deep and take your time here. Humans are complex beings with a range of emotions and feelings. Finding out who you are, what you like, and what makes you tick, is setting up a strong foundation for yourself to eventually build a relationship on. That relationship could be romantic with someone else, or it could be an enlightening relationship with yourself.

How do I know these things? I have been single for about 7-8 years myself. I’ve been spending this time discovering who I am as as a man and a person, and what I could offer someone if I were in a relationship. I am not the same person I was when I became single. I have grown, challenged myself, and uncovered new things I did not know about myself before. Learning about yourself is painful at times, but the payoff is worth it.

I think the most important thing for us to all remember is: Just because you don’t have the love you want doesn’t mean you aren’t loved.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Online Dating Works! If you aren’t gay that is..

I have never been one for online dating. I think there is no zest or appeal when it comes to chatting with someone online. Without personal interaction, there is just chemistry or interest. All you have to go on is a possibly outdated pic and profile. That is not a person. That is a profile. But with that being said, online dating is becoming an increasingly popular way for people to meet. I see the commercials all the time for eHarmony and Chemistry. I even saw that one of those dating sites (I think Match.com) has live parties or events where people can meet each other in person. I actually find that to be a brilliant move!

But, all of those mentioned earlier are for the heterosexual community. As for the gay community, we are severely limited. At least with heterosexual people, there are just so many of them. In the gay community, there not as many of us. We are such a small community that we know all know each other, or of each other. That makes dating nearly impossible. Unless of course, you fly them in from out of state or country lol.

If you do use dating sites, especially for smaller areas like Detroit, you really only need one profile or app. Grindr is really the best way to go it seems. For a while, at the advice of a friend who was annoyed I was perpetually single and not dating, I “put myself out there.” I went on OKcupid, PlentyOfFish, Chemistry.com etc. I quickly came to learn that it is all of the same people! Same for gay mobile apps like Grindr, Scruff, Jack’d, Maleforce, Growler, etc. It’s always the same people messaging you or viewing your profile.

So this is my question: If you already know everyone at the bar, and it is all the same people online, where does a guy go to meet someone?

I have a lot going on for me right now so I am definitely happy being the bachelor that I am. I am focusing on goals that will really propel my life forward. I have also never been the type of guy to ever “need” a boyfriend or someone in my life. I am a fully independent and self sustaining man. It doesn’t bother me that I am single at all.

The part that concerns me is that if I did want to start dating, that there is no one to date. There just is nothing out there. That is a dismal reality.

Being gay is hard enough. But being gay and finding someone, forget it!

I don’t know. I’m blabbing really. What do you do think?